I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
