haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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