I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
