im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
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You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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