My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
