Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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