Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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