who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
