i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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