This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
