Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
