so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
