a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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