I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
