my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We had to coat check the pizza.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
