Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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