i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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