I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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