It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
a search helicopter?!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
