Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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