I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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