That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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