FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
