I'm lost and stupid without you.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
