worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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