I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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