I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
