So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
