I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
