I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
