Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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