this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
