After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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