Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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