what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
