I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
