she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
