Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
