We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
