I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
