I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
