Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
