I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
