I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
