How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
