there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
