The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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