We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
