my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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