in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
