Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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