Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
