i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
