If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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