Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize