dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize