Plan B is the new Plan A
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
