Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
