I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
