I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
