And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
