i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wish my penis had a tongue
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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