I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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