I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
