Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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