Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
