Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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