he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
