oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
