so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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